I read this quote that my brother posted and immediately had to ask the Lord to help me see things the way He would have me see them. The quote was: “Can’t God prevent this? What do you mean, can’t God prevent it? Certainly God can prevent it, but you are praying the wrong way. How can the Lord use this?” Oh, how this spoke to my heart. None of us want to go through hard things in our lives, especially see our children go through them. I catch myself saying "why is this happening?", "what else could we add to the list?” and having my mind race to the worse, when the very words I should be praying is "Lord, how can You use this?" THAT is living by faith.
Josiah has been to the doctor more times than I can count in the last month. He was scheduled to have an endoscopy and before the test came, he got extremely sick with a high fever for days, with no other symptoms. As we were back and forth to the doctor, they decided to do blood work to see what was exactly going on. As soon as I got home, his doctor called me and said that his white blood cell count was extremely low and I needed to bring him in for a course of antibiotic shots. She explained that if he were to have a bacterial infection or get anything else, his body would not be able to fight it off. So, we went in and got the first course of antibiotic shots and then the next day got the 2nd course of shots. The 3rd day, he woke up with an extreme case of hives that continued to get worse. The nurses had given me things to look for if he was to have a reaction and that’s exactly what was happening. His allergist expressed later her concern that it was an allergic reaction to that antibiotic and flagged it in his record. After giving him Benadryl for a few days, the hives eventually went away which we were thankful for. Then we prayed and prayed for him to be well so he could have the test we had hoped to give us answers.
His endoscopy day came and our hearts were filled with mixed emotions. We were relieved that the day was here where we may find out what was causing the issues of pain and discomfort for him, but at the same time we hated seeing him go through it all and we didn’t want anything to be wrong. The test went well, and the procedure for the Reflux monitor went smoothly as well. We took him home with his monitor and awaited the 24 hour mark when he could have that thing out. He was such a trooper through it all, carrying that little bag on his own across his chest, and his “no no’s” on his arms so he couldn’t pull the tube out. He is definitely our brave boy. Then the hard part came….waiting. Waiting for the results that would give us the answers we had been praying for. Answers that would explain everything…
The day before my husband and I were to leave for our 5th Anniversary trip, the doctor called and let me know of the results from the tests. I was relieved at the words “everything shows nothing of concern” but then my heart hurt as we still had no answers. I was thrilled that there was nothing wrong shown from the tests but was overwhelmed knowing that there still was something going on yet we still could not fix it for him. I was fearful of the next step. Oh, how my heart was hurting and so discouraged from expecting to find something out yet to have nothing. And the Lord encouraged me, as He always does. I’m so thankful for a God that is always there. It’s so comforting to know that He will never forsake us or leave us alone during the trials of life, whether they be small or great. This verse has meant a lot to me lately, “And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, has not forsaken them that seek thee.” There are times we are so stressed we feel as if we cannot manage one more thing and He quietly says, don’t worry, I know what is happening to you, for “My countenance doth behold the upright”. I have to remember that whatever may happen today is not a surprise to God. It’s when I trust Him completely that I will experience true joy! Justin and Grace Hayes were in our Sunday School class recently and he said something that has stuck with me "Be happy in the Lord, even when you're hurting on the inside". God is so good to have people and messages encourage us at the exact moment we need them. The Lord keeps putting this part of a song on my heart whenever we are on the way to the doctor’s office.
“You must have faith in God, Who maketh no mistakes. Have faith, God makes no mistakes.”
Truly, we should not fear, we should have faith in our God, because He never makes mistakes. I’m so thankful for that! My prayer is that the Lord would help me live the life of faith and not fear.
~Rachel
